For 2 years now, more than half of the time I've been playing League already, I was trying to be a competitive player. I wanted to play ranked, climb high, get where I belong. But last week I snapped. I had a good winrate, 64% on Ahri. But then I went into a losing streak. One AFK/troll after the other. For a couple of games I virtually played 4v5, 4v6 back to back. My winrate on Ahri dropped to 54%. I sunk to Gold 5 0 LP. I was determined to get Platinum, peaked Gold 3 100 LP last season and I improved alot since then, but after that losing streak I started questioning my skill. Laningphase went always well, I have more CS than the enemy laner and usually better KDA, but then one of the enemy lanes who was 10/0 at minute ten roams mid, steamrolls me. I can't get ahead fast enaugh, and they kill me before I can react. My initially good KDA turns bad. My lane opponent is garbage, but wins because his teammate carries him. This crushed me. I queston my own skill, I lost my self esteem and I snapped. I was angry, uninstalled League, not wanting to play ever again. I uninstalled every games on my PC for that matter, thinking that if I wouldn't play video games I would have more time studying for university. Foolish me forgot that internet is still a thing, so I didn't won any time whatsoever.
Now I am here asking myself, do I still like this game? Of course I do, why else am I still here? But what is it that makes the game feel so unfun for me? I thought about that for a while and realized that ranked is the issue.
You may go into my profile and say _"You didn't play that much ranked actually. What are you talking about?"_ It is true that I didn't play much ranked, but alot of normal draft. You see, I never really felt comfortable enaugh to play ranked. I played alot of normal draft to "practice". I basically treated normal games like it was ranked. I was always in that ranked mindset, even though I didn't played ranked most of the time. And that mindset killed me.
If you go into my profile and look who is my most played champion, you'll find Ahri with over 400k mastery points. Now that's quite alot of mastery I got here, but I would lie if I say I main her because I like anything about her as a champion, her kit or the balloons she got. There is no reason for me to play her, other than I know how she works. Ahri was my first real main and the first champion I could play well. I could never drop her, because the rank mindset forced me to play something I know, something I can play, something I understand. I would rarely touch another champion or learn another one, because Ahri was what I could play. In the recent month I tried to learn Karthus and Ryze, but when I went back into ranked I never played Karthus again, not even in normals. Since Riot introduced the new champion select, where you can pick your roles, I had so much trouble finding a secondary role, because other than Ahri I could play nothing. This mindset, this way how I played the game sickens me, and over the time I accumulated tons of mastery points, even though I don't really enjoy Ahri as much as I should.
I am more the play-everything guy, who picks whatever I want. I play Super Smash Bros with my brother quite often and every single match both me and him pick a different character each round. That is fun, variety. I like that. And this is also the reason why I play alot of ARAM. In ARAM I cannot force myself to pick the same champion over and over again.
I've wanted to play, no, **main** so many champions, like Katarina, Jayce, Vladimir, Lee Sin, Cassiopeia, Viktor, Jax, Fiora, Mordekaiser, just to name a few. But most of them I didn't even touched outside getting them in ARAM at random, as that would require me to drop Ahri. Picking a new champion would mean I need to learn it, which means I would lose the first few games. With a mindset like mine, this was a no go. So even though I desperately wished to play those champions, I never actually did because I already knew Ahri and she was the only option that was available.
Now because of unfortunate events, a stupid loss streak and unlucky amount of AFKs I snapped. I began thinking about this and realized how I've been playing all this time and how this mindset sickens me. Today I played League on the PC at my parents house, as I've not uninstalled it there. I played One for all and I had such a blast. I am so relieved honestly, to play something other than Ahri. I genuinely feel happy. I will not force me anymore to play Ahri, unless I really want to play her again. Now that I drop this ranked mindset I am not forced to main something anymore. If I want to play top, I go top. If I want to play Support, I go Support. I don't need to play something anymore, because I "main" it. Now I can play something I really want.
Ranked is dead for me. Platinum is dead for me. I will most likely still play each season, just to get Gold 5 and the victorious skin. But other than that I don't plan to touch ranked ever again. The ranked mindset made me sick and after 2 years I feel free.
You may be asking why am I writing this. Well for one I am stupid, and secondly I am currently installing League again and I have nothing else to do :P