I couldn't resist, I saw everyone else having fun writing and I wanted to play too! For your enjoyment, the non-canonical (and recommended Bronze-plays bot lane) story of a misunderstood spacesquid and a bounty-hunting spacepirate...
The female human with hair like fire looked happy as she observed the screens in front of her. She had a strange skin, a red and black carapace that sat over her soft pink flesh. Perhaps it served as protection from lesser creatures; I knew it would hold no protection from me, should I wish to destroy her. For’tune, her name was, although I found it difficult to pronounce in my own tongue. Figuratively speaking.
I was still not sure why I had not deconstructed her. No other human had intrigued me so, no other earning a stay of deconstruction. But For’tune, she had looked at me with interest in her eyes, not fear, and no screams accompanied our first meeting. In my hesitation to destroy her, she had spoken.
‘Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,’ she had commented.
I was confused. I have four eyes, and none of them were sore. I had blinked all of them, my main eye and the superior eyes, and she had laughed. It had been a strange noise, one I had never heard a human emit before. I had heard them in the deconstructions, but in real life it was different. It was… enchanting.
‘The name’s Sarah Fortune,’ she had said, slinging one of her enormous weapons casually up on her shoulder. I do not carry external weapons. I am already made for destruction, and require no additional aid. Her smile had widened. ‘Not much of a talker, eh? Suits me fine.’
Several minutes had passed since then and all I had done was observe. It was odd, observing in this passive way. She had been looking at the screens for a while but had only just smiled. A part of me longed to hear the laugh again. I moved forward, my tentacles propelling me forward without me realizing what I was doing, and she turned to look at me, her fire-hair shifting as it did.
‘You must have a name?’ she said, arching an eyebrow in my direction.
Finally, I communicated with her. It was the first time I had ever communicated to a human.
‘Vel’koz, eh?’ she made an admirable effort at pronunciation, although she was missing the Void cadence and sounded like a mewling Voidling trying to communicate with its brood mother. ‘You thirsty?’
_THIRSTY?_ I repeated the strange human word. I had felt thirst in its many manifestations during deconstructions. Thirst for power, thirst for affection, thirst for life. I was unsure what kind of thirst she spoke of. The laugh re-emerged and I listened in delight. She turned to a machine on the ship and spoke into it.
‘Tea, English Breakfast, hot.’
These were strange words, and I felt compelled to learn more. The machine gurgled for a few seconds and then produced a hot, steaming stream of liquid into a receptacle. For’tune picked it up and handed it to me. I stared for a few moments and then tentatively took it in one of my tentacles. The receptacle was hot to the touch. I looked at her with my main eye, keeping the smaller ones trained on the receptacle just in case it was a trick of some kind.
‘You drink it,’ she said, looking back at me. ‘You know, drink?’ She mimed putting something to her mouth. Ahh, a potation. Keeping my main eye on For’tune in case of another trick, I brought the receptacle up and imbibed.
Sweet, sweet nectar. This ‘tea’ – why, it tasted more glorious than ora. More glorious than the Void ambrosia I feast on when at my home planet. I looked at the fire-hair For’tune.
_MORE TEA_ I demand, handing her the receptacle. I felt I had made a wise decision, not deconstructing her. This ‘tea’, perhaps it is a source of great power.
For’tune smiles her bright smile and takes the receptacle, commanding the machine for more tea.
‘You know, Vel’Koz,’ she said as she handed me another serving of the glorious tea. ‘I reckon we could make a good team here. Between Shock and Awe and your…err… laser beam, I think we’d be pretty unstoppable.’
I imbibe the nectar, listening to the For’tune talk.
‘I have a bounty on this guy named Kayn,’ she continued. ‘I’d be happy to let you laser beam him, and, you know,’ she took the receptacle off me and to the machine for a third helping. ‘I hear he’s smuggling a LOT of tea on that ship of his.’
Hmm. The fire-human has an interesting offer. Deconstruction and more of this tea? I have definitely made a good decision, not deconstructing her. She passed me the receptacle and I imbibed once more.
_LET US MAKE HASTE, FOR’TUNE_ I say to her. _KAYN WILL BE DECONSTRUCTED, AND WE SHALL CELEBRATE WITH THE DRINKING OF TEA ON HIS CORPSE!_ I throw the empty receptacle to the ground, letting it smash into pieces.
For’tune laughed once more. ‘That’s my boy,’ she said.
I do not know what is this ‘boy’ she speaks of, but I have a good feeling about this. Vel’Koz and For’tune: we will deconstruct all, and we will do it for all of the tea in the Demaxian Empire.