Fellow summoners !
I am happy to join you today, as we celebrate yet another victory for our side, in the endless battles we have been involved in for 2500 days now. 2500 days of glory, tears, defeats and victories, throws and come-backs. And deaths, oh so many deaths... All on the backs of little, cute things we never really think about.
Yes, kind summoners, today I will talk with you about the creeps, the farm, the minions. Propaganda would have us believe they are soulless drones, magical constructs who can't feel pain or fear. Lies ! I have uncovered the truth, and it is horrifying.
I first suspected something was wrong, when I thought about their "ranks" : melee, caster, cannon & inhibitor minions. If they were truly only animate constructs, why would't we summon a living cannon ? Instead, it is a minion who sits atop of his equipment. Why are they faces hidden ? Why would someone want to hide what they look like under large robes ?
_A minion on equipment_
This led me to thinking : what ARE minions ? We know they're small, they like to carry gold, and they can handle large, dangerous equipment proficiently (ever saw a siege minion miss his target, or run down one of his teammates ? Me neither). You know what else likes gold, mechanics, lives near magical sources and is small ? Goblins !
_Hide his face, and you have a... caster minion !_
That is right, dear friends. We have been lied to, and have been killing thousands of goblins _per game_ ! Children, I suspect, considering how weak and small they are, even compared to yordles. And I say, NO MORE ! These little things deserve LOVE, EDUCATION, and RESPECT, not being farmed or eaten by some over-scaled monster for their gold. No longer will I let the massacre of thousands of little innocents let go unpunished, no longer will I look idle as "brave" hunter takes their lives, no longer will I applaud the race to murder as many of them as possible ! Today, I announce the creation of the Militia against Infanticide, Lynching and Farming.
Our goals will be :
1. The acknowledgement of previous lies about who these minions are
2. The interdiction of sending under-age gnomes on the Rift, under any circumstances
3. The proper training and equipment of gnomes, to make the fight more even
4. The training of a Gnome Champion, to represent and fight for the rights of his brethren
Fellow summoners, I implore your help in this fight. Our overlords may try to hide this sordid affair from the public, and only with YOUR help can we succeed in liberating the poor little creatures. Change your Summoner Icon to a little gnome to remind everyone of their existence, talk to your relatives about this massacre, and show your support HERE and NOW. Together, we shall end this injustice !