Random scrub sadness/endless QQ

For many years, people warned me off playing League, telling me it was the most toxic and unhealthy game on the internet. I played a bit of dota back in the stoneages, and then didn't touch another moba until heroes of the storm launched. At that point I was, as many others, angry about the changes to WoW and after having played it for ages to the point of unhealthy obsession, I was ready to quit. I thought HOTS was a lot of fun, but somewhat random. Then someone close to me said "hey, why don't you just go League - its not so toxic anymore, and also the chat isnt really that important now. HOTS is just silly trolling around, League is the superior moba". So I did. And he was right. For all its imbalances, and Riots stupid ideas about this and that currently being a good idea (*cough*paperturrets*cough*) - league is a truly competitive game, where skill actually matters. League is not that hard to play, but its pretty hard to get good at and it has insane depth. I wish I had never listened to people warning me of League. As it is now I have played at level 30+ for 2½ year, with a solid 4 months break, meaning I have 2 years of actively playing League. In that time I have consistently broadened my knowledge of the game and I actively seek information about it, watching videos and reading up on stats, mechanics and changes. In s6 I played a bit of ranked and didn't really feel good enough, so I stopped and went back to normals. In s7 I actually tried to prep myself for ranked play, by skilling up something viable. I would never go in a ranked match on something I wasn't at least mastery 5 with . This time there were 2 things that made me quit ranked: 1) I couldnt get my winrate over 45% 2) I succumbed to tilt. I was totally and utterly consumed by tilt. In the end I quit again. This time I quit the game. When I came back after 4 months, I was determined to master my tilt. The new honorsystem was implemented and that actually helped me a lot, because it feels quite good to get honered after a game. I forced myself to be calm and I forced myself to not throw games. It went well. Then I thought, hey maybe I could actually try to rank up in s8. If I master my tilt and I choose a few champions to focus, and then practise, it will probably be possible. It went well, though I was sticking to normals (and that is not the same as ranked, I know I know) I was playing at a very promising winrate. I was primarily meeting silver players at that point (yes I know it doesnt matter, cause its normal) - then the new runes was implemented. I dutifully read up on the new system and did my best to adapt to it. I don't feel that the new system is a disaster as such. I looked at is as merely a question of adapting. Now my winrate is back to what can best be described as utter, utter shit. And just to drive in the knife, Riot has gutted my alltime favorite pick, forcing me to fall back on champions I in no way enjoy as much. I am SO disappointed and so terribly sad. A game shouldn't mean this much, but it does. I want to play ranked, but I feel like Im back to square one, and in a place where I might aspire to rank up sometime in s9. I have no clue what to main. I have no clue if it will ever be possible for me to get my winrate over 45% now - and most of all I simply dont understand why I am so bad. My kda is decent, I am ultraconcious about warding. I do my best to help my team play around objectives. Even as a support main I go in the practise tool to practise lasthitting and wavecontrol (granted that have mostly been on the champions I play mid). I am playing at scrub mmr and I am sure i belong on scrub mmr - and still I am concious about not pushing the lane to hard when the jungler pings that hes ganking, not overextending, not basing at the wrong time, not facechecking, not just warding, but warding smart, always ss and warn of the enemy junglers movements if possible, and million other things. I even understand that I am not a pro, and that I have serious failings and shortcomings, that I will learn more about the game in time and that no match is really wasted because you almost always learn something about the game from it. So why the [ugly language] can't I get my winrate to be steady over 50%. Why? I just don't get it and it makes me sadder and more frustrated than any game has a right to do. If anyone got this far in the horrible wall of text, thank you for listening. I feel horrible and I needed to rant about it. From my heart i hope you have none of these problems yourself.
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