I can't pass a day without thinking that I should kill myself

It started 4 years ago, every thing went down I think is then when I started to feel this way, every day I feel empty and worthless, league somehow helps, yes, playing videogames and surfing the internet is like an anesthetic for me, I have random bursts of "Sadness attacks" that's how I call them, this morning I woke up and instead of doing breakfast I stood in a corner crying and shaking for a good hour or so, the worst thing is that I have those relatively frequent (Like 2 times a week). I left school 1 year and a half ago, I had no money income to fund it, my parents stopped caring about my education and my grandma could not sustain me and my study so I had to quit. I'm 17 years old, in 4 years I rarely got away from depression and the damn **FEAR**. My family thinks I'm a lazy fuck, that I should go out and hang with my friends, the thing is... I have no friends, I've been going back and forth between Romania and Italy so many times I lost my connections. Why am I posting this on League Boards? The truth is I'm hungry for attention, I don't have any clue on what I can do to help myself. The only thing I want to do is wait a few more months till I turn 18, I know that I will get the best gift ever from the only person that is still with me, Myself, and I really hope that the gift will be death. Depression is like a prison that traps you in your body.
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