Hello, you filthy fucking heretics,
When was the last time you appeased the machine spirit of your computer with incense and litanies? Never?
Last time you told it it was a good girl/boy/apache attack helicopter? A while ago, huh?
Well then, do you at least gently pat it when you turn it on? Wipe crumbs from the keyboard with an apologetic smile? Lovingly stroke the Enter key? No? Because, what the fuck would be the point of treating your heap of fine circuitry entrapped in a metal case like a vaguely sentient being?
Well, let me clarify something for you: _This shit fucking matters!_ Seriously, it must. Otherwise I can't explain how it is possible that after spilling water on my lap-top, freezing up for a moment instead of immediately turning it off, forgetting to remove the battery (didn't forget the AC adapter, point for me!) and on top of all this drying it with a hair-dryer, somehow it still works! And since my technical prowess certainly didn't save it, I can only conclude that it was part divine intervention, part the decision of my computer to not die on me yet.
So, do something nice for your computer. Buy compressed air and dust it out, delete redundant files, don't smack the keyboard when you die due to a Teemo shroom, offer some gentle words, (stop torrenting those 14 terrabytes of kinky porn! ... seriously, you can get by with 8). Whatever, just something nice. And by all means, include the fleshy members of your house-hold in your good-doing spree as well, I'm sure they will appreciate it.
And this is where I leave you. You do whatever and I'm gonna google where to buy incense on my **functional** notebook.
Have a nice day and praise the Omnissiah!
a dumb Tech-priest-in-training