I never succeeded in life or anything else. I am a loser and don't enjoy anything I do. I am now here, writing this dumb post, even though I know everyone will hate me. I try to be nice, some people enjoy it. I try to be friendly, some people like this. But the truth is I have so many problems right now. My friends hate me, I don't know if I can even call them "friends". They dislike who I am and I feel like I am not able to change something. I think so much about the actions I do, how others see me, but in the end I do mess up. I mess up everything. I appreciate every reader I can get on this post, but you might think yourself why am I writing this post? Because I need help. And I need help from you, because there is no one that I know that can help me. My friends already dissapointed me. They hate me. My parents say I am useless, lazy and hate everything I do. I even failed at LoL. Look at me, I am Bronze 2 right now. Does this look like a winner? I can't enjoy playing LoL, because my problems I get reach into the realms of LoL. I now have only the boards left, the only thing I can enjoy from now on. I used to own an "Honorable Oponent" Crest, but I lost it, because I am not friendly anymore. I became more toxic over the time. The more depressed I got, the more I lost in LoL. I just lost. At the moment, I can control myself and don't flame in any way, but I fear that I will lose this control. When I lose control, I do get toxic and do get banned. I don't argue that this is fair or not, but I hate myself and the position I am standing right now. I even had the thought of suicide, but I fear death and I don't want to let go so soon. I am only 18 years old. But is there any point of living on? Everything I tried, I failed at. I thought maybe playing different games. I did played Minecraft and I am looking forward to Overwatch, but I dislike Minecraft because their community is full of children and I don't like how I get treated there. And I do suck at FPS, so I will fail at Overwatch too. LoL is the only thing that I can flee to. Even though I don't enjoy it, I dislike my other options more than LoL. But I do fear that I will lose that too. I feel, everything is slipping through my fingers, everything is made out of sand and everything gets destroyed by a single blow of wind. The LoL Boards are the only thing that makes my life reasonable. Im happy to use it and I enjoy what people say, comment and post. I don't want to lose that. And it's also not the only thing I want to do. I also want to play LoL. Riot made a beautiful game. It's so inspiring and huge and...I can't really describe it. I want to enjoy what I am doing. I want to enjoy where I am standing. But currently I don't. So I'll ask you, what can I do? I know, I am not interesting. Why would you help a loser you don't know and that can probably even harm you? But I cry out for help, now.
**EDIT: I am happy now. I've met through this post some people who tried to help me and made me smile again. I am so blind and most of the stuff I wrote is complete bullcrap. They made me realize alot of things that where not as bad as they look. I knew that I can trust the LoL Boards Community <3**
**Thank you all for your support.**