Permaban and call for help Riot

So before i start describing my post here pls note that i do admit i deserve this. My behavior was way too toxic and i got of the grid cause of enemy mid laner who was playing zed in this game who was constntly bashing me for how bad player i actually am. I payed the price by getting the permaban due to my toxic behavior... and i get it. the reason why i posted this is that iam in need of desprate help. i would like to tell you my story i have in mind for so long. so let's begin. I'am 24 years old i study at college tourism economy in real life iam a completely normal guy ready to help and learn new things. However i too love to play videogames and i do love still to this moment League of Legends i did play many games before like WoW, Battlefield, Lineage 2, CoD, Warcraft etc. from all those games i still have good memories to this day but the best ones are from League. This game is so awesome and yes even now i do beleive that it is full of good people too not just toxic people like myself and the others. iam saying this cause i knew about this since the first time i installed it and played it. I started to play League of Legends back in the mid season 3 back then i have leveled my account to level 30 and started to play ranked. After first 10 placement matches i ended up in Bronze 1 back then i did not had any knowledge about all those Tier leagues. I wasnt even mad even tho people were making fun of me that iam bronze 1 most of my friends were bronze 3 and lower but it was ok cause i was jsut doing the ranked for the curiosity. so after those 10 games i went back to play normal games with my friends trying to learn new champions etc. back then supports did not had their items they do now but i was very interresting in one specific champion. It was Thresh for me still to this day the most awesome best looking champion in the game in terms od the design ofcourse. Thresh was something completely new to me i started to main him and basically thanks to him and Elise i mad my way to gold next season. i was Gold V none of my friends were believing me that i could do that even tho i kinda uscked hard from the start but then it made all sence... i look at my number of games and on the number of games of the enemy. i had over 400 games more than they did and i started to be a little hyped on League itself the game pulled me over and i became its player for upcoming years after. that season i reached Platinum V after a very long toxic way to the top (for me top was always platinum i dont care about Dia)and BAM i was Platinum IV but i did paid the price... i was never that much toxic as i was when i got permabanned but i paid the price for hating each and ALMOST every possible midlane main player then i ever was... i mained jungle and constnly every single mid laner was pinging on me even when they died 1v1 yeah sometimes i jsut should go and gank them i ALWAYS gave them blue buff and i did try t ocreate a certain friend zone between us but most of them were very negative to it and started to threathnen me to gank them ASAP or they will go afk. toxic till the end of the game EVEN WHEN WE WERE WINING i do know its not about mid laners cause junglers can be idiots too while they do stack devourer ( I hate thamt Item :)) Morello you are the best ;) but it is about the players personallity and i do admit that mid lane was very intense in the in terms of 1v2 back day and in certain way it still is... however on my way to platinum i met some amazing people aswell those players mean something to me stil lto this moment. i played with them became a little better but yes overall iam still a very bad player in terms of skill complared to the overall ladder i always hated gold elo but the main reason why i started to eb toxic why i started to be VERY TOXIC on me was when i lost in season 4 156 games 4v5 i still have screenshots of those games iam talking about players whose names are in red line after the games finishes in the lobby. People that went AFK even when noone was writing them anything ! i never saw this NEVER in my life i play league of legends i never was something like this Silver League was full of toxic idiots liek iam now too but those people actually tried their best they did their best but... this gold Elo gave me a completely diffrent point of view on League system... back then i was punished by several chat restrictions in total of 120 i think somewhere there was the first lineup then i recieved another 100 and another 20 in total i had somewhere around 300 chat restriction or bellow not sure on that one right now but still it was a lot of games so. That day i started to be toxic after those games... yes i reached platinum yes i was happy but i was destroyed... i did play bad too dont you think that i was super hero i lost so many games mainly cause i was playing bad but i have NEVER EVER RAGEUITTED A GAME NEVER you can check me out Riot i have never ragequitted a game specially a ranked one i always spammed surrender or i was destroyed by loosing but i never went afk NEVER i hate those people who do this and i wish they could pay the same price as i did cause this si what made em really toxic... this is what actually turned me into a bad player who is so desprate for help iam admiting that everything i have done in the past even tho i have succed i just could not overlook those mistakes i did on my way to Platinum III i have never felt such a shame and humiliation and those peopel when they were reporting me even tho i told them sorry for constanctly bashing them or defending myself they were using this #twitchtvrektnoobtrashtalk on me and i was getting completely of the grid cause of this... so then season 6 came in with the dynamic queue i though that everything it is gonna change for better at least for me i did loved the idea of joining and play ranked to gain LP with your friends but... it wasnt that easy as everyone would think after first 10 placement matches where i went 6/4 win/lost i ended up in SILVER V i started shaking myself being in fear not cause of silver elo noo that is a completely normal elo for me but cause of the fear of the gold ELO.... the worst nightmare i have ever played in my League of Legends games... i quickly jumped 3 divisions and after thant i went in gold now this is the best funny part of all... in Gold League where i was gold IV i lost 86 games 4v5 !!! please note that back then i had muted cross team chat and i had muted all of those players even those who were playing in my team and i got demoted to silver I 52 LP !!! i was done... completely destroyed but then i started to watch Riot Dr. Lyte's video siminars about toxicity and hwo to control certain events and moments i nthe game i took everything from ti and for a decent amount of time (2,5 months) i dident recieved a single chat restrict or warning or ban NOTHING i was happy finally i started to be back in the gamethen i went on winning spree i dident know HOW? HOW was it possible ?! i was playing terribly like some new player in certain games but my team was like full of diamond smurfs or i still do not know this to this day but hey that was awesome back then. i reached Gold 1 58 LP and i was ready to make it back to platinum i started to loose and i droped to Gold 3 and then i have recieved my first 14 day ban i dont have a chat here from it but dont worry i will show you the oen of perma so you could get the picture of what an idiot iam. and the game i lost that dropped me to G2 and G3 you can check it out on was AGAIN 4v5 !!!!! after that i started to rage again in diffrent way not wishing cancer or anything like it i hate this cancer trashtalk but yes i used word "cancer" that this Elo is giving me cancer or that this is full of cancer and i cant fight it. nevermind so i recieved a 14 da ban i was happy for it cause finally i had to take a break and if i dident had the ban i would play and rage more and loose more... after the 14 day ban i started to play again and now comes the best part of all after the 14 day ban i went to play ranked game i have a perfect mood ! i was happy cause it was awsome day in college in my hoem and in the game ! at least i thought... so i started a game and i went Sejuani jungle note this really happened Rioter gave me response to this my teamamte was Fiora top lane he was a greek player and he started to flame us in chat cause he died 1v1 against enemy jax top lane he started to wish us cancer etc. i do understart greek so it was easy for me to know exactly with what am i actually dealing right now i started to calm him down to paly cause our bot lane did a doublekill for our tristana ! happyyyyyyyy and Fiora said "get cancer animals" and went AFK. we lost the game... i started shaking again... AGIN ME ! ME ! i was the one WHo again lost the game !!! 4v5 !!! AGAIN ME ! i was not telling him a single bad word not evne a single ! this is why i ofcourse havent recieved anythign from ti which was coll right but i started to corrupt me from the inside... i went more games... and ofcourse i lost seeying the platinum taking its distance on me and leaving me behidn in gold elo hell with full of toxic kdis evne bigger than i was... ofourse now this is the part i would liek to call downfall cause i lost another 4v5 but this time... it was the enemy that had an AFK for the first time in this season !!! i saw someone in the enemy tewma having an AFK so i said that i wil lreport the strange part... we lost it... we were 5 they were 4 and they did turned it around cause our mid laner was even more toxic then me... but this was my bad cause i started to argue with him and flame him suddenly i started to flame him even more and more and more and more not wishign cancer or anything like that but i was destroye by what he said "i dont care i afk play it alone you fucking noob #jungler" and this turned me in complete beast... he dident went AFK but he started to troll and we lsot so i flamed him for doign so and threatnign to report him then sudenly my client got disconected so i logged again and BAM ! second 14 day ban. Cause of my own mistake. so i did took a break even longer than 14 days and when i was ready to paly again i came back after 3 week or so not sure now but i did play several games again and the last game i played was against an enemy mid laner zed who every time some of us died has spammed the twitch tv trashtalk... #rekt #ez ... etc. i got again frustrated... i dident care anymore about this i dident care about anything but then now let me fix that cause this is the best part i have for you guys to enjoy so if you made this far in this... this is for you enjoy... there was an enemy Taric who was very good ! and they won and i said in all chat that iam done and i ruiend it myself etc. i was flaming mid laners always noone else only them since they were threatning me and bullying me all the time to sit their lane and give them blue buffs etc. i hated them but this taric admmited that enemy zed was very toxic on me too and he added me to friend list... now this is the very best part of the story... the greatest irony of all i alwas wanted toe challanger skin on Nidalee SO AWESOME ! Ahri too ! but OH that Nidalee was just gorgeous... i was jsut ooh god awesome skin and now i saw how my client went blurry and BAM ! Taric gave me mystery skin on champion and BAM !!! !! !CHallanger Nidalee. i was in shock i was in HUGE shock a complete random guy a complete random person from enemy team in League of Legends felt bad for me after hearing my story of being stuck and being bad gifted me the skin i always wanted but when i was out of money and RP BAM FROM MYSTERY ! 15 seconds after that i got permabanned... i Deserve that there is no way to say "no that was a mistake" no i fully agree with Riot and those people wthat were with me that i was indeed very toxic more than i ever was i NEVER did this bofre i never recieved something like this... i got out of control when enemy zed was constantly bashing me HOW bad iam how weak iam i started to write in chat mean things but now watch out MANY of those thing i wrote was just quoting what he said in complete chat you would see it how he was bashing me Taric also reported zed for flaming me i was returning his rage by my rage back... and that was the bigest mistake i ever did... i feel ashamed bad destroyed from the inside... that i 24 years old idiotic pathetic week idiot got so shaken by a 13 years old mid player zed... this only confirmed me that i was very week and cause of this it led me to my own downfall i contacted the player support and a very nice rioter answered me and offered me a cooperation on my way to change... i feel very bad of playing this game anymore cause i did ruiend my mental state i feel very bad and ashamed of even going on another account i jsut want mine...i lvoed the game itself i was always more to the design fo those champions and story etc. i loved LOL events they were awesome ! i did said many times "broken peice of shit chamion" when a super sayian mid laner annihilated everyone in my team... now why am ia writing this ? if anyone from Riot reads it or anyone of you guys who were quite experinced with this please try to guide me a little just dont say things like "once banned always banned" these type of people are not welcomed here iam asking for help i do miss my accounti would rather take a permaban on ranked then in the overall game i love this game and i love it so much rioter offered me to play with full premade to prevent this from happening but now is too little to late my question is is there any possibility to improve myself ? i dont want to be like them... i jsut dont ! i do want my account back and i do know that this wont happen any time soon maybe never but i put a low of hard work to achieve platinum to earn those rewards i have bought so many skins so many champions runy pages etc. but i jsut want one more chance to prove it to you that i can be better but iam asking for guidence please show me the way be my guide or just give me one more chance to improve my self i know i got warned several many tiems to improve myself but i was destroyed by real life by school girl. etc. i just released the bad me in to this games after all thsoe events and i do know it was a very bad decision but i dident want this ! iam willing to change step by step by guidence by small steps to achieve something bigger than just being a toxic idiot iam the bigest idiot and i do admit that my case is maybe the worst of all i blame only myself for it... cause i know that it cant change the fact i lost my acount i miss it so much mainly cause of those skins not the money but the design of those skins those efects the fun i had with playingthose champions and everything i just miss it so much and iam willing to do anything that is neccesarry to improve and change as for the acount so for me i owe it to you and myself for being the worst lol player that did something terrible like this... iam doing it mainyl cause of changing my behavior i do know that even if i had new account or this one it would mena nothing considering that fact that i would be still a rager right ?? i spammed many times that enemy will play for what they have done that rekt mekt pekt etc. but i simply could not ignore them i tried beleive me i tried ! but those 4v5 games completely broke me... so please Riot if you are reading this please ! help me ! show me the way or any of you guys just please just give me anything you can or try at least back me uup on my way to be a better player in the end i post a final game chat from my side all those terrible thing you guys want to see so you can see what monster iam... take it as a warning sign that too much league can hurt any of you specially when youre in bad mental condition please dont hate me too much be decent nice and pullite please here it is : Game 1 Daenerys Kiste: broken piece of shit mid laners... Daenerys Kiste: i hate mid laners... god i hate them Daenerys Kiste: ... Daenerys Kiste: ... Daenerys Kiste: ... Daenerys Kiste: ... Daenerys Kiste: ... Daenerys Kiste: ou baited me... Daenerys Kiste: you fckign baited me... Daenerys Kiste: now ou loosee... Daenerys Kiste: i cant play afternoon... its impossible Daenerys Kiste: stop it Daenerys Kiste: ok now we lost Daenerys Kiste: blaming flaming Daenerys Kiste: feeding ok gg Daenerys Kiste: full of cancers Daenerys Kiste: i got no asist wtf ?M!! Daenerys Kiste: reported ;) Daenerys Kiste: why oyu said such a thing ? Daenerys Kiste: zed trashtalkign so reported Daenerys Kiste: atl east you died on me ;) Daenerys Kiste: at leat you have deaths ;) Daenerys Kiste: shut up Daenerys Kiste: youre bado ne here Daenerys Kiste: you took my kill Daenerys Kiste: yet you ran away... Daenerys Kiste: not you oyure bad actually so Daenerys Kiste: iam bad Daenerys Kiste: but 100x0 better than you ;) Daenerys Kiste: ill jsut report people liek oyu always Daenerys Kiste: since you kids ruiend this community ;) Daenerys Kiste: you came from school my friend ?.))) no its ok Daenerys Kiste: its ok Daenerys Kiste: i got only 1 idiot... Daenerys Kiste: you talk about brain ? Daenerys Kiste: brain ??? you ? are you demented ? read what you wrote Daenerys Kiste: dude read what you have wrote... Daenerys Kiste: naaah youre a demented cancer... and i will report you muted and bye Daenerys Kiste: fckign kdi cam fro mschool Daenerys Kiste: shut up kid Daenerys Kiste: reported Daenerys Kiste: EWASY Daenerys Kiste: does your but hurt ? Daenerys Kiste: zed ? Daenerys Kiste: does that hurt you ? Daenerys Kiste: kid zed ? Daenerys Kiste: does it hurt ? Daenerys Kiste: oh it will hurt more after this report Daenerys Kiste: it will Daenerys Kiste: toxic elementary high school kids liek you will get actually banned ;) Daenerys Kiste: sure Daenerys Kiste: youre flaming me in all chat... for beign braindead and cancer trashtalk... but i wil lget banned... Daenerys Kiste: sure idiot... Daenerys Kiste: why dident i muted you ? sry my bad Daenerys Kiste: youre the idiot Daenerys Kiste: you started to flame and this is all i want to report you Daenerys Kiste: You were flaming me since the start Daenerys Kiste: N Daenerys Kiste: never Daenerys Kiste: he Daenerys Kiste: peopel liek him ruined this game... Daenerys Kiste: people liek him ruiend this community... Daenerys Kiste: completely destroyed it Daenerys Kiste: thx taric... sry for it Daenerys Kiste: ) This is all the final chat that got me banned there was no game 2 or 3 etc. no just this if anyone of you would ask i swear to god.
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